Jeanie-baby's bloggie

tags!

2005-11-07T22:41:00.000-08:00

IM GOING TO ANSWER ALL MY TAGS!

siyi- YEAH! WOOHOOTS! TIFFF! YOU ARE AN EVIL BILL MAKER HIGHER PERSON! hahaha

eilynn- WE DIDNT PLAY! WE ALL WENT HOME AND SLEPT): like pigs(:

phebe- helloo phebe! NO! I HAVE KEYS TO THE PREFECTS ROOM! I CAN ALWAYS BOOK YOU!(:

siyi, again- HAHA! only if your knee is okie dokie! I DONT WANT TO PLAY THEN SUDDENLY YOUR KNEE PIAAK ALL OVER THE FLOOR!

jo- you never put your link(: PUT YOUR LINK!

tiff- NOO! YOU COULD HAVE JOINED IN! YOU MAKE YOURSLEF SOUND SO SANE, WHEN YOU'RE NOOOOT!(:

elsa- I LOVE YOU TOO ELSIII!

camille- NO! LUM ISNT PAYING IT! SO YOU HAVE TO PAY! yeah yeah! RUB IT IN! I DONT CAREE!

rachel- well, messy is my middle name! HAHAHA! I KNOW! IM SO FULL OF INSPIRATION TO SPREAD!(:

milkk- AMEEE! HAHAHA! OKAY I'LL GO! I HOPE WE CAN BE IN THE SAME CLASS!

meiryl- NOT MY FAULT! i dont know how to change it! you change for me la(: HAHA! AHH! DONT PUBLICIZE IT!

ruying- WHY DIDNT YOU SAY HIIII! i hate you!): HAHA! ONLY KIDDING(: if you dont say hi next time, then i'llhate you(: HAHAHA!

okay i think tahts it! love you all loads! i'll update another time! byeness(:

realization

2005-10-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

okay. i just have a sudden realization. so bear with me.

i tell myself every day that i am a good person. but how many times do i SHOW it? almost never. but i want to be a better person. i dont want to hold so much anger. its not right. im sorry to all of those i've hurt, i'll try. i want to try.

here's a list of people i felt i've hurt or frustrated or just not done right to. im sorry...

1) RACHEL):
2) siyi
3) steph
4) elsa
5) pats
6) julia
7) mum
8) dad
9) kaka
10) tai poh

argh! even after this. i still think selfishly. damn it. this is going to be hard):

thank you, people above, for sticking by me even through my kicking and screaming. i appreciate it(:

sports camp

2005-10-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

hello! just came back from sports camp! YAYNESS!(: hahaha! oh man oh man! at first, when i got picked to be i/c of this group, i admit that i wasnt very happy because they were so unenthu! hahaha! yeah! no fun one! but towards the end of the camp, i think most of us began to talk to each other more and say hi and stuff, so yeah! NO HARM DONE! wahahaha!

on the second day we had campfire night(: the basketballers did a really good job! super super funny! hahaha!

CAMILLEEE! you owe me five bucks! I DONT CARE!

yeah! stupid person(: hahaha! JESSLYN ALSO! KEEP HITTING ME WITH THE STUPID BROOM! FOR NOTHING SOMEMORE!

the tennis skit was fun too(: me and beatrice were doubles partners(: woohoots! we were doubles parteners from X SCHOOL! hahaha! my stupid X school sign kept falling off because of SHU SHU!(: wahahaha! (you cant kill me for calling you that! you started it!)

hahaha! but the motivational was pretty fun! i got to exercise my chim skills(: hahaha(: THE MASTER PAINTER MAKES ART WITH ANY BRUSH! COPYRIGHT OF JEAN!

haha! and on the last day, i found out that one of my group members had a twin! so funny okay! cause i kept waving at her twin screaming "RACHEL RACHEL!" but she never responded! then she walked up to me and said, "im not rachel" HAHAHA! whoops(:

bahh. spent the whole day doing my layout so i dont really feel like blogging): i want to go do something tennis-orientated. haha! okay, BYEBYE(:

oh one last thing: I TWISTED MY TOE! HAHAHAHA! YEAH! MY BIG TOE! SO NOW IT HURTS(: haha! oh man! i never thought i'd see the day but heck, i did(:

okay, im really done now! BYE(:

SIYI'S EULOGY!

2005-10-18T06:46:00.000-07:00

okay! im finally blogging again(: haha! and im here to write a tribute to my truest and sweetest friend, siyi(:

but before i start on that, i just wanted to comment on a really sad fic that i read about momo and ryoma. in the fic, ryoma dies and it just pains me to know that any time now, my friend could just go! permanently wiped out from my world! only to fade into my mind as a memory. so you know what? screw the tribute! im writing a eulogy!

siyi. what can i say about her? other than the fact that she was such an amazing person. she was the person that got me closer to GOD and i really appreciated what she did for me. it changed my perspective on things and i really owed it to her. sometimes i wish, that it was me that went to join GOD and not her. -everyone cries- SIYI! she was such a fun person! she never failed to make me smile and to help me when i really needed her! i remember the time i was really upset because a bunch of mgs girls made fun of me, siyi was there to make me feel better. I really have to thank her for that(: BUT NOW I KNOW ITS TOO LATE -sobs- siyi was also really understanding. i mean, we've both have our ups and downs and it was nice for me to know that i always had siyi to back me up(: we didnt always agree, but we tried to accept each other's idea. okay, screw thaty, we never did that. haha! but whatever happened, we always made it work out in the end. thank you siyi, for always being there for me when i needed you , i hope i was there for you too(: thanks for the memories. you'll alwyas be the fastest, second most enthu person in the world to me(: WE'LL ALWAYS BE FRIENDS!

haha! okay im done! siyi! i hope you like it! considering you forced me to write it(: haha! okay im going to stop now! BYEBYE!

FINALLY!

2005-09-29T04:46:00.000-07:00

oh man! yes! my blogger finally works! hahaha!(:

okay exams are here and i cant type much. blogger is still a little funny.

okay! just wanted to say: ANONS! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT/ CRITICISM BUT I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD STOP

if thats not too much to ask. hmm(: OH WELL! have to study now! BYEBYE!

at cuzzie's house!

2005-09-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

HELLO THERE!

hahha! im at my cousin's house right now(: hahaha! oh man! blogger at home is screwed up): hahaha! at least i can blog here!(:

i played victoria tan today! i lost! hahaha! obviously! but i'll make a comeback!(: hahaha! anyway, im very happy to have made it to the quarters! woohoots!(: a huge step for mee(:

hahahaha! thank you: siyi! jamie! suzanna! zakiah! gamar! rachel! for supporting me! you guys rock(: i heartest all of you(:

okay im going to go now! BYEBYE! i hope my blogger will work again): I MISS BLOGGING!

hahaah! BYEBYE(:

every move i make
i make in you
you make me move jesus!(:

i've gotten this far because of you, jesus. thank you(:

hahah(:

2005-09-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

yay! im blogging again(: hahaha!

just finished making my new skin! its nice right? hahahaha! i like it! its nicee(:

hm. the hols are here and im sick): so the sec 2s had self training today, but i couldnt play): WAHH! im sad):

anyway, rachel's playing today!(: GOOD LUCK CHERLS!(: hahaha(: she probably doesnt even need my luck, she's so pro!(: hahaha! but not as pro as me(: hahaha! ego(:

oh man! i have so much hw to do! oh no oh no oh no! i dont want to do them): hahaha!

okay, i think this is a crappy post but i really didnt do much these couple of days!

oh yeah(: i played against vivien in the pesta so thats basically the highlight of my 'couple of days' hahaha! i'll be playing tomorrow!(: yay!

okay, i have to go now(: BYEBYE!(:

oh man! havent blogged in weeks!

2005-08-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

OH MAN OH MAN! I JUST REALIZED THAT I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN DAYS!

hahah! super super sorry(: i'm not gonna lie and say that it was because i was 'too busy to blog', cause the truth is, i just don't feel like using the com so much letely): yeah. its true! sadly!

but yeah. went to sonic fest a couple of days ago! it was fun! yay yay yay! (: i want more sonicfests to happen(: AHAHAHA!

life's ben good! we're learning reproduction for science! super funny!

anyway, tennis now(: BYEBYE(:

GOD! give me the strength to do the right thing!

wetdots...now and forever

2005-07-14T03:51:00.000-07:00

siyi, pats, steph and elsa. for you guys:

i'll meet you there
no matter where life takes me to
i'll meet you there
and even if i need you here
i'll meet you there

you guys, you have to know that i love love love you guys so much! the choice wasn't something i wanted, but something i had to do. give me time to find myself. let me handle this problem on my own. its time for me to grow up. i'm sure you want that. and when i've finally found myself again, and if there's still an opening in wetdots for me, i'll come back. i'll always come back to you guys.

But till then, i want you guys to remember that...

you'll be in my heart
you'll be in my heart
from this day on
now and forever more

don't give up on me(:

jean loves wetdots. jean will always appreciate what wetdots did for her. jean never wants to see wetdotters sad. jean will always be there for wetdots. jean will always support siyi, pats, steph and elsa. jean promises to come back to wetdots. jean promises to come back to wetdots...a better person.

oh my gosh! i havent blogged in a long time!

2005-07-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

haha! eh! i realized that i haven't blogged in a little while(: haha! so i'll blog now! haha(:

today we had a chinese test! eeks! i hated it man! it sucked! haha(: but yeah, i think it was worse for rachel cause she was sick): poor thing! yep, so she went home after the test to rest(:

haha then after that, we had science! so funny! hahaha(: okay, everybody! i have a confession to make. i...i'm...not jean. that is right. i am not jean. my real name is bernedette. and julia is my twin sister, lucy. and my two younger twin sisters, amelia and germaine. those aren't their real names either. amelia is really jenny, and germaine is stella. our youngest sister is kym. but that isn't her real name. her real name is madeline (pronounced as made-LINE). hahaha(: yepyep(: and our surname is kunichiwa. haha! (: oh! AND our parents died, a villain shot them(: because the truth is...our parents were secret agents from the organization WHOOPIE! haha! (: i asure you that this is all true(: did i mention that me and lucy were invited to be spies at WHOOPIE? but we turned down the offer, to avoid a tragic death like our parents'.

yups(: haha! o man! and during pse we watched this sad video about this man who liked this girl but one day, she spilt this chemical thing all over her eyes and it was all the man's fault, so he was sad (i won't go into detail, i can't be bothered). AND THEN, the best part, i swear. HE TOOK HIS EYES AND HAD AN OPERATION TO GIVE THEM TO THE GIRL. hahahaha! i didn't even think that it was possible! but after that the man went blind(: due to his lack of eyes(: haha! and then we all started joking around that we could probably trick rachel into giving us her eyes when we go blind(: haha! but i must devise a plan first! hahaha(:

rosy loh didn't show up today for art! WOOHOOTS! hahahaha(: yups! so went to the library to do 'research' hahaha(: nevermind. don't laugh if you can't catch the drift! hahahah(:

weeh! tennis later! can't wait! ahahah! i hope hannah and grace can stay till 8 with me(: hahaha! tennis! haha! this will be the next best thing to tennis day(: haha! OH YEAH! siyi, jamie and heitung are coming! weeh(: HAPPY! haha! gonna ask grace and hannah to come down too! weeh(:

o man! tomorrow's an important day(:
GO SIYI! DO YOUR BEST! AND MAKE SURE YOU PLAY WELL OKAY(:
haha(: but anyway, me, lam, grace and rachel will all be cheering for you, siyi(: haha! weeh! can't wait for tomorrow! hope siyi gets in(:

okay, done! BYEBYE(:

persevere

2005-07-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOSH! im watching prince of tennis now(: the episode when ryoma plays kaidoh for the very first time. o man. so...inspiring. seriously. he had to fight in a stamina battle! i don't even need to talk about how much perservarance that takes. so here, the point i'm trying to make: if you skill, you're blessed. but it'll all go to waste, if you don't have
PERSEVERANCE!

i'll never stop fighting for my dreams. i'll never stop believing in myself. and i'll never ever give up on tennis.

tennis is who i am(: you can't take that away from me(:

tennis day!

2005-07-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

today rocked! you know why? you know why? because today was tennis day! haha! it was so super fun la!

haha! if i could tell you all about today, i would. but there was too much! haha! if you're lucky, maybe siyi blogged about it? haha! i dunno! but you can check(:

haha! okay, i'll say saomething about tennis day:
I AM FEDERER! SIYI IS ANDY! GRACE IS THE GRAND MASTER: PETE SAMPRAS!
and here's another one...
I AM VENUS! SIYI IS SERENA! AND GRACE IS DAVENPORT!
hahaha! so funny! grace and siyi! you guys rock!

what's the plan?! i want to know!

okay, i'm done. so super tired! haha! bye(:

oh man! 2-7?! MY EGO IS DEFLATED!!!

2005-07-03T00:20:00.000-07:00

haha! today was THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! yesyes..okay, nono! it was one of the most MALUATING DAY OF MY LIFE(: yesyes! thats the one! it was okay! and i think that if it lasted any longer, i would have just died! haha(:

yep! cause you know that almost every sunday i will go play tennis right? so this week, my dad was pairing up with my mum and i was pairing up with uncle len (eeks! i think i mispelled it) but of course, i didn't play in this order...thanks to my smarty-pants daddy!

dad: eh! jean! come over here and partner your mum.
jean: huh? why? i dont want!
dad: jean, come on!
jean: daddy! you're always bullying me!
dad: hurry up!
-i change sides with dad...relunctantly-
mum: jean! i think you partner someone elsa la! i have a stomachache
(she really did have a stomachache okay!)
jean: huh! then i partner who?
-mum looks around-
mum: partner greg la!
jean: HUH?
mum: greg! come partner jean!
-and after much persuation, he comes-

so it sounds very good right? WRONG! oh my gosh! i don't think i've ever played such a lousy doubles game in my life! it was horrible! very very HORRIBLE! we have no doubles coordination whatsoever! seriously! it was that bad! here's an example:

i hit my dad a decent shot and greg was rushing up to the net, then my dad mishit the shot that i gave him and so it came out as a high short ball on my side. and then i ran for it a little, but then i saw greg run towards it, so i stopped and sort of 'changed sides' with him! but guess what! he hesitated too and thought that i was going to go for that short ball! AHH! then he turned and saw that i was on his side of the court and then he rushed for it! but it was too late):yeah! thats how bad we were! horrid right?

ahaha! so lame! but we won in the end. 6-1. haha! (:

oh yeah! and we rallied! me and john verses greg again! ahaha! (: o man! but i think greg was in his 'zone' today, cause he hit every ball so hard! me and john were crumbling! ahh! but it gets worse):

-greg stops playing-
greg: eh! can we play singles?
-me and john look at each other-
greg: just tiebreak!
-me and john look at each other again-
jean: okay. john you play first!

and oh my goodness! greg was being so mean! i think john died after that! his score was 4-7! greg won easy peasy but ya, like i said, greg was in the 'zone' today! that or he might have been pissed (i hit him a high shot and he took a big swing and missed it. me and john started laughing at him. hopefully, he didn't notice). i dunno la! but he was playing very well. yup, so they finished and AHAHA! this was quite stupid but i think its funny(: greg 'erm...' and then he points at me, looks away and walks onto the other side of the court. i just stood there, confused. then i turned to john 'are you gonna play tiebreak with your brother again?' john looks at me for a short while 'no..you are.' ahahaha! i was so shocked! then i saw greg bouncing his tennis ball on the floor and then i rushed over.

but i can't believe i lost 2-7. i dont even want to talk about it. I'LL MAKE A COMEBACK! next week! you hear that! I AM MAKING A COMEBACK! yeah(:

yepyep(: and then me and john rallied a little and then we played the 'jean tornament' hahaha! created by me! and john created the 'special tennis' where you can only hit the balls outside of the court! hahahaha! lame!(:

haha! anyways, i have to go. chinese articles, i have to do! ahahaha! yoda-talking is fun(: haha! bye(:

last day of the first week of school

2005-07-01T06:43:00.000-07:00

yay! its the last day of the first week of school! and what better way to end the day than with a well-deserved tennis training! weeh(: tennis is so super damn fun! i love it! and i love training! oh man! but my coach was mean to the juniors! he's bullying them! the meanie! i want to squash him! haha(:

oh yeah! but something really funny happened during training. cause we had to serve (yes siyi, i know you're jealous! haha) and aim at cones, so coach said he 'felt generous, so whoever knocks down the cone will get a free hundred plus'.
and what good timing for it too! the sun was so horribly bright today! i felt as if we were playing tennis in the desert! yes! it was that bad!
so ya, no big deal. i was just serving serving serv-POW! i hit the cone! hahaha! and i was so happy okay! free hundred plus from coach! the best thing in the world(: but coach was such a meanie...
coach: okay, who knocked down the cones? rachel and anyone else?
jean: ME! i knocked it down! -smiles widely-
coach: -smiles evil grin- ya sure! okay anyone else? sonia? okay.
jean: EH! COACHHH! I KNOCKED IT DOWN! YOU CAN ASK EILYNN!
eilynn: ya! she really knocked it down!
coach: okay, sure! so its sonia and rachel only?
jean: AND ME! COACHH! I KNOCKED IT DOWN!
coach: jean! stop lying! when did you hit it down?
jean: when you were out!!!
coach: yeah, whatever!
jean: IM NOT LYING!
oh my gosh! i didn't know whether to laugh or cry!! it was so stupid! but in the end, i did get my hundred plus, after everyone vouched for me(: hahaha! being a tennis girl rocks! crazy stuff like this happen all the time(:

haha! so funfunfun! and we kept singing the song 'almost'! hahaha! so weird! it started when i hit the ball into the net so i was like 'aiyah! almost! almost!' hahaha! then heitung, that fatty (i hope heitung is reading this! haha!) started singing that song! then pretty soon we were all singing it! hahahah! spasticness(:

allysa was funny too! she sang this super funny song:
happy jean day to you
happy jean day to you
happy jean day
happy jean day
happy jean day to you
haha! and she just kept switching words! hahaha! funny! then i would sing along with her(: SO FUNNY OKAY! hahaha! (:

a girl tried out for the tennis team today(: but she didn't get in): haha! hope siyi gets in! then training will be even more funfunfun! i love training! smss tennis is the funkiest tennis team ever okay(:

wetdots day is coming soon! -gasp- but its on the same day as tennis day! howhowhow? haha! somebody give me a solution! haha!

federer is playing hewitt now! i have to watch! bye(:

strong friendship

2005-07-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

God has chosen my path, he carved it out perfectly. Putting all the right obstacles at all the right times. I have faith in him. I believe that this is just a test. I can hear my creator encouraging me, telling me to get up. I will get up. And I will get over this. I will find a way to break this barrier that is set in front of me. I'm sick of avoiding it. Its time to break it. Here and now. I'll say it:

This is the last time I fear...

when its over.its over.

2005-06-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

oh no! bballers! dont be sad okay? i think you all did your best! NEVER GIVE UP(: thats the most important!!

okay.this is the third time i'm editing this! no more misunderstandings! i'm only going to say one thing: BE HAPPY! OKAY! THAS ALL I WANT! BE HAPPY! okay, im done.

i won't let anything bring me down.

OH NO!

2005-06-29T02:42:00.000-07:00

oh my gosh! oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH! wahh! i had training today! wahlao! i played so crappily okay! oh no! oh no! ): wahh! im so sad! o man! sadsadsadness!

haha! but something good came out of the training! (: because i want the world to know that i am in love! in love with the bestest, coolest racquet ever made! the babolat pure drive team! OH MY GOSH! its coolness is...is...COOL! haha! but really la, i'm suddenly so jealous of the people that carry babolat racquets! its not fair! i want one! yeah! it was so weird, cause i was like hitting all the balls out with my racquet, so my coach was like "hm, try this racquet" and he handed me the babolat racquet. and then POW! all my balls were like GOOD! haha! but only for a little while. cause the racquet is super heavy! but i like it! as in really really like it(: and the coach said it suits me! and i agree(: i love it! so nice to hit(: haha!

haha! me and siyi are gonna have a tennis day! on youth day(: WEEH! so super happy! tennis day is gonna be sososo funn!

well! i have to eat now! yum(: BYEBYE!

sunday tennis!

2005-06-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

its 11.38 pm! hm. nothing to do! haha! but there's tennis tomorrow! yay! can't wait! (:

delisted from the team!!!

2005-06-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

yay! i played tennis(: weeh! so happy! yep. cause tracce and i were supposed to go back to kellock to train with the mini tennis team but then they came. netballers la! haha! it was raining see, so the netballers had to come up to the hall to train): and so the tennis girls had to cancel their training. but i think its understandable la, considering the netballers have a big match on monday. but OH WELL! after the bad luck, comes the good luck(: and yay! yay! i got to play at tracce's house, in the rain! funfunfun! i loved it! even though i played quite badly): tracce's fault la! make me run twenty rounds round the canteen before she would agree to let me play with her (it was supposed to be a hundred, but she took pity)! it wore me out! and in the rain you have to run more! haha! but tracce's like damn pro okay! so maybe she outhit me? NO! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT! hahaha! though it might be true(: but she said she didn't play her best either. so next time, we'll play again (tracce, must must! you can't back out!)!

haha! and now im watching prince of tennis! eiji is super duper cute! because ryoma and kaidoh were pairing up to play beach volleyball and their opponents were cheating. so eiji got pissed so he screamed at ryoma and kaidoh,"oiy! oiy! if you two lose, you'll be delisted from the tennis team!" HAHAHAHA! eiji(: and kentaroh is cute too! o man! when he was playing with ryoma, he kept asking him to be enthusiastic!! SO CUTE! but the cutest will always and forever be ryoma echizen! the coolest of all the cool tennis players!

TENNIS IS THE BEST SPORT EVER! I HAVE PROOF(:

kick serve

2005-06-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

i had training today! weeh! im so happy okay! we did volleys, smash and serve! woohoots! so super duper fun(: im getting better, little by little. but its good enough for me(: OH YEAH! and i think i did a kick serve ONCE! just once when i was serving. i tried to do it again but poof! i couldn't anymore. haha! but no worries! i'll get it next time(: thats the best thing about tennis! you'll get it eventually. just give it time(:

i love tennis so much! wimbledon is on! weeh! its very interesting! tennis is very interesting(:

you made my mind up for me

2005-06-21T00:05:00.000-07:00

i just finished writing about the curious incident of the dog in the night time. and up till now, i still hate christopher. stupid autistic kid. haha(: anyway, im so happy cause i can play tennis tonight(: yay!

rachel koh

2005-06-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

just came back from training and i just thought i should blog about something...someone to be more specific: rachel koh. Don't get me wrong, i'm not going to trash talk her. she's not that bad. i'm not that bad(:

i guess what really made me think about this topic was when our coach said (rachel has just recently started coaching lessons with my coach) 'rachel is actually more powerful than you. you're softer than her.' and you know what? that really got to me. perhaps i have never thought that rachel could be better than me. -shrug- i know its selfish, but i always wanted my family and friends to do well, but not better than me(: haha! lame as it is, i'm sure that's how lots of us feel.

so for awhile, i just stood there, shocked. but mostly, i was afraid. afraid that there would be a day, where rachel would win the race. and for once, i would come in second. so now im going to reflect on our freindship to see where it went wrong (you don't have to read on, this is just for me to better understand what's going on)...

rachel has always been the person that has seen me through...everything! and if i were to be truly honest, she knows me the best ( but that doesn't mean she treats me the best, wetdotters will always be the most thoughtful friends i ever had). of course, friendship is a two-way street. so in return, i knew just as much about her. in the beginning, i could tell and see that our characters tallied. we both loved competition, we were both ready to step on anyone that was going to stand in the way of our goal and the last trait that we both shared was: we were both unable to trust anyone. so in a way, you could say that rachel was like my twin. and like a twin, i treated her. at that point, nothing could stand in between our friendship, except one thing. the one thing i overlooked: time.

3rd of march: wetdots day. for the first time ever, i didn't feel so alone. siyi, elsa, steph and pats gave me something i thought i would never get back. the courage to live life to the fullest. and then, i don't know what happened! but that was that! i'd changed...for the better and for the worst. the negative being the tention that started to grow between me and rachel.

we just no longer 'clicked' like we used to! she was still the same, her hunger to constantly come out as number 1 was still there. but as for me...i guess, it didn't matter anymore whether i won or not. don't get me wrong, i still get very excited whenever i win, especially against strong opponents. but the point is, my goal switched from playing to win, to playing...because i loved playing tennis!

so thats that. there's nothing wrong with rachel. there's nothing wrong with me. people like to believe that there is something wrong with another person when it isn't true. there's nothing wrong with anybody. it just takes a little...change of thinking(: as for the "she's more powerful than you, you're softer" statement, i've come to a conclusion.

she's more powerful, because she has more killer instinct. if i wanted to cultivate that, rachel's style, i could. but i don't want to. i'm going to get my killer intinct back, but i'm going to do it the wetdots way(: note: i will never admit that a person is just better than me, no way. its not in my character to say something like that(:

to rachel: you're walking down a path right now. you could do what i did, make a left turn and head straight for sunshine or you could walk straight. i wish i could tell you what's at the end of that path, but i can't. it was the path i chose to stop walking on. there is no right or wrong choice. pick the path which you want to go on(: but i must say, when you told me "i want to go there and have fun", you convinced me that you were very close to turning left.

to wetdotters: thanks for encouraging me to go down this path(: i'm enjoying the road but most of all, i'm glad i'm walking down that path with you guys(:

i'm done reflecting. i don't feel so upset anymore(: blogging really helps(: byebye!

primary school friends

2005-06-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

weeh! so happy! today i went out with my primary school friends! so super funn(: i went out with kats, tam, wanny and ameliaa! haha! so cool(: o man! but me and amelia were the only two that were wearing pants! o man! so weird! and tam cut her hair!! she looks so different okay! haha! but overall, it was really fun! we talked a lot(: at macs then we went to watch mr and mrs smith! this was my second time, and strangely, it seemed nicer than the first(: but o gosh! there was this irritating man and i think his girlfriend! they couldn't stop talking!! so frustrating! grr! but o well(: i'll just pray that they get banned from ever watching movies at theatres ever again(: haha! anyways, gotta go! byebye(:

leadership camp: the last day

2005-06-15T03:11:00.000-07:00

today was the last day of leadership camp!!! ): im gonna miss it! it was quite fun! haha! but i cracked my egg again!!! wahh! i cracked it on the bus! i feel damn sad): but oh well! i got over it! (: haha! other than that we also got into groups: the sports cca leaders, prefects and societies and cause there were a lot of prefects, miss kang told me and pats to go join the sports(: so we talked about many problems faced as captains blah blah blah! then we came up with a chart! and it turns out that the main problem with all ccas is...im not telling you(: wahaha! well, you dont need to know anyway(: it deosnt involve you(: haha! o man! and pats! pats!!! she made me lick her jersey! yeah! for forgiveness! and now because of it, my taste buds are destroyed! thanks a lot pats! hahaha! (:

okay, im done! bye!

2005-06-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

HELLO HELLO! (:
i'm jean! (:
okay, really i am.
ELSA! stop thinking i'm not okay, i really am.
really really really really.
no la, actually i'm not.
i'm your mom. :D
YES I'M YOUR MOM. :)))
i might seem like i'm not, but YES, elsa, i KNOW WHAT YOU DO!
okay, no, i'm siyi.
STUPID RIGHT, hahahahaha.
I THINK I'M REALLY COOL.
don't you? YES! hahaha, okay bye. (((:

SIYI IS THE BEST! -chants- siyi rocks! siyi rocks!

JEAN SAYS:
siyi's the lamest person in the world(SIYI: I AM NOT!)
and she's still typing, i'm just repeating everything. :D
siyi says this is stupid.
I AGREE!
siyi's a stupid(COOL!) weirdo. :DDD
leadership camp tmr! bye. (:
OH, today siyi cracked her egg.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA,
such a great egg cracker. (: (siyi did NOT say this by the way)

leadership camp

2005-06-13T02:37:00.000-07:00

i had leadership camp today! weeh! funfunfun(: o man! but i didn't get to be in siyi's group): haha! and you know who's fault it was?? well, at first it was siyi's fault (wait outside la!) then it was weiwey's (i want the green tag!) fault! weiwey! you're so mean! haha! but yeah. i was in steph and tamlyn's group, so i was happy again(: haha! steph is so funny okay! hahaha!

steph: here's your belated birthday present. i tell you, you're gonna love it
jean: oh, okay steph. thanks!
steph: but seriously, you're gonna love it! i just know it!
jean: haha! okay, steph.
-i open the present-
jean: welll...i love it
steph: I KNEW IT!!!
jean: but i already have it
steph: oh...damn.

hahahaha! steph!!! haha! so funny la! steph is always getting me stuff i already have! like the time she went to england, she bought me a charm and i already had it(: hahah! but its okay. its the thought that counts(: haha! love you steph!

yep! then after that, we had to do an egg and treat it as our 'baby'.i named my egg ryoma chotaro echizen and when they made us list out what we promised to do for our egg, i wrote: i promise to let ryoma trash fuji in tennis. haha! so there! ryoma is going to kill fuji! muahaha! okay la, maybe not kill, cause fuji jiroh syusuuke (siyi's egg) is ryoma's brother! haha! so no killing, but ryoma is still going to trash fuji(:

haha! so fun(: then at like 12 something, elsa and steph came (grudgingly, i bet)! haha! then things got even more fun(: (elsa, steph, may your ego not be boosted by this statement) haha! i freaked elsa out with my smiling and clapping(: haha! but omgosh! i must say! i love love love that clapper that miss kang gave us! it must be the coolest thing in the world!! i love it so much(:

okay, im done blogging! byebye(:

thank you

2005-06-12T05:29:00.000-07:00

and i want to thank you
for being my strength
when i thought i couldn't go on
and i want to thank you
for showing me right
when my heart was leading me wrong
for all of the times i was lost
and my soul was blind
i didn't know what to do
somehow you pulled me through
and i want to thank you

this goes out to:
mum
dad
siyi
steph
elsa
pats
julia
tessa
hannah tang
hannah yang
rachel
grace
heitung
gamar
eilynn
meiryl
allysa
ethel
charlene
shalini
amanda
joyce
tamlyn
katrina
sam
vivien
mabel
steph wong
shuen min
tamsin

thanks for always being there for me(:

tennis on sundays

2005-06-12T00:57:00.000-07:00

i just came back from tennis(: i love playing tennis with my dad's friends! they're damn good! haha! but i went really late this time...like 10 plus? haha! cause my dad came home late last night so he wanted to sleep in(: but yeah, surprisingly i managed to play 3 matches! and i won em' all! weeh! so happy(: for the first match, i partnered uncle cly (o man. i hope thats how you spell it) against my dad and greg (this super pro person). and we won! o man! i was so happy okay! this is just those once in a million times where i get to win a match against him. haha! and after that, i played another match. i paired up with this lady (damn. i have to start trying to remember names) against my mum and john (greg's brother) and we won! weeh! haha! but it was so funny! because everytime john won a point, his dad would scream,"thats the way son! kill them! kill them!" but everytime i got a point hitting a ball past john, his dad would scream,"don't bully my son!" hahaha! after that, me and john rallied against greg. so fun(: greg and john kept drop-shotting the ball to each other and it was damn funny cause you could see them running frantically for the ball! so hilarious! after the ralley, we got to play a match! i paired up with uncle cly again while greg paired up with john. we won again! weeh! so happy! but it was funny too! because every once in a while, after john had made his fair share of mistakes, you could hear greg yell,"JOHNN" hahaha! so funny! but john just kept smiling. haha(: tennis today rocked la! i want to remember it forever! it was the only day i managed to beat greg twice in one day! twice! wahaha! so happy! but ya la, i feel a little bad for him. when we were playing, he looked so xian. i don't blame him! first time, he had to partner my dad. my dad asked him to, so he had to pair up with him(: and the second time, well.that was his own fault. he wanted to pair up with his brother(: hahah! anyway, i gotta go now! bye(:

training in the morning

2005-06-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

weeh! just had training(: it was damn tiring considering he wanted to work on my strength (and my strength level is like zero.siyi can prove it) but yeah, it was satisfying, as usual(: i love tennis so much. the excitement it brings is undescribable! oh well. just wanted to blog about it, even if no one gets it or can be bothered with it. today's training was just one of the most satisfying and i loved it(:

im broke

2005-06-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

o man! i am so broke! i dug up my piggy bank...i've only got 10 bucks! to last me the hols! ahh! im screwed): i think im regretting going on my shopping spree when i was rich. dammit. this is all your (yes, you!) fault! why didn't you warn me about this day?! meanies! haha!

on a lighter note, we had training today(: weeeh! i love training! its so fun! (: but because gamar wasn't there, i had to partner heitung in drills and stuff and believe me, pairing up with heitung is not fun when its volleys! lam heitung! i think i want to kill you okay! volley every ball out of the court! and i wore skirt (who asked me to wear ah? say want to take picture but end up never take!) so i could only carry two balls with me at a time! o man! my legs are aching from all that walking! ouch.

haha! but we had to stop training cause it started to rain): so we went to the canteen to play monkey with a frisbee! haha! it was damn fun because zaty kept trying to throw the frisbee over the monkey's head, but she would fail most of the time so eventually she stopped taking the chance! haha! so super funny! so we were playing half way when coach suddenly suggested a forfeit for the people who were monkies three times. guess what the forfeit was? sing a song. hahah! and it was funny because all of a sudden, i kept misthrowing all the frisbees so, yay! i got to sing! hahah! don't get me wrong, i hate singing, but i like singing nonsensically(: yes. so i sang:

wo ai ni
ai zhe ni
xiang ge lao shu
ai da mi

and i did it with hand actions too! so fun! haha! i don't know why i sang that song, but i heard it last night and i was really tickled by the "lao shu" part(: haha!

but i want to clear something up: just because i sang that song, doesnt mean im cheena (read and digest this part, elsa)!

haha! okay! im going to stop blogging now! ciao(:

p.s there is a slight problem with stuff. but dont worry. i'll try and fix it(:

mr james dean-how random(:

2005-06-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

im so happy! i got to sleep in today(: because i was up till 1 lats night doing stuff. thats right. stuff(: well, i could have slept more, but then the smarty katrina wong jo yuen called!

kats: jean! wake up!
jean: no...im tired...
kats:but you were supposed to be at the ice-skating ring at 9.30!
jean:what time is it now?
kats:10! get up! get up!
jean:no...oh. did you know i was just dreaming about you?
kats:get up!

haha! but its true! i did have a dream about kats(: i dreamt that she was representing her team to say a speech (i was representing mine..duh! its my dream!) but she kept talking for a whole hour that no one else got to go! haha! so stupid! oh yeah! and i ended up not going for ice-skating(: teehee! but i couldn't sleep after that, so yeah, thanks a lot kats!

so i basically just slacked at home. i watched charmed for an hour then i switched to disney to watch jojo's circus. it wasn't that bad! through it, i learnt to always do my best and to never do things that grown-ups do not approve of because its wrong! yes, see? im educated! (:

haha! then after that i showered and went down to wisma to meet juls(: we had to do math homework! and im so happy because we actually finished it! woohoots! im so proud of myself! we started at 2 and ended at 6! so cool(:

another achievement! i managed to do most of the exercises that pats asked me to do(: it was tiring but at least it will help me get stronger! then i will have potruding leg muscle(: haha!

jokays (gamar! are you jokays with jokays?)! i gotta go do more exercises to now strengthen my grip and my stomache muscle (though, laughing helps. try it)! haha! personally, i don't know why im telling you what i want to strengthen, but hey, it acts like a reminder(:

on an unrelated note: i am the enthuest of the enthu people(: problem? challenge me...if you dare(: hahah!

okayokay, im done! ciao for now! (:

weetwoot

2005-06-07T00:44:00.000-07:00

yay! i did my new layout! after like how long? hahah! but i like it! its so colourful!!! (: hahah! yeah! i can only blog for a little while cause i have tuition in 15 minutes! ahh! and then after that im gonna hang out with my friend, cause she came down all the way from ireland (: so cool right? haha! oh and siyi's away on vacation till sunday): oh man! i miss siyi! haha! but don't tell her i said that! she'll never let me live it down! haha! anyways, i guess its good that she's away, i need to do some stuff! haha! thats right! stuff! okay okay! i really gotta go now! byeee(:

my blog is destroyed!

2005-06-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

okay, this is a fako post! haha! thats right! fako post! i just need to check if my blog is okay. cause its not on my side! wahh! ):

we're in the semis!

2005-06-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

okay, today was really good! hannah and i played and we won! 6-0 and 6-0! woohoots! im so happy! cause that can only mean one thing: WE'RE IN THE SEMIS!!!!

so cool! haha! yeah! and the bestest part is that we get to play with tessa and jiali! those two are like damn pro! got into rgs for the soul purpose to play great tennis (which they do, mind you)! haha! will be super fun! i can't wait! (:

gamar and rachel are in the semis too! woohoots! smss tennis team is gonna rock okay! haha!

anyway, gotta go! im sleeping at 9 so that i can whack with the whackers tomorrow! WOOHOOTS! yayyy!

p.s wetdots day is tomorrow! can't wait!

spex tournament for gamar and rachel

2005-05-31T06:03:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness! today's physical was the most torturous physical in the world! AHHH! i think i came back from it aching! and sleepy! haha! we had to do like 500 skips (not at one go, but still!) and shuttle run and some sidestep thing! damn tiring okay!

yeah, so i went home, took a shower after my physical and i was going to take a nap considering gamar's match was only at 2.45! then siyi calls...jean! come to school now okay?

haha! so i got a 10 minutes break and i went to meet steph, elsa and siyi at school! hahaha! they were playing bball with pats and adala(shoots! i think i spelt her name wrong!) ! haha! it was kinda fun! but you know what was not fun? siyi stepping on the poor innocent worm was definitely NOT FUN! siyi! you're so mean!!! you could see its guts all over the place! it was damn gross!

after that, we went to macs to eat lunch then we went to kallang! pats and adala couldn't come cause they had stuff on): the journey there was okay la! not that bad! but i tell you, when we reached there, it was only 1!!! haha! so lame! and then we saw someone that i did not want to see, there! and then we saw his mum too! haha! she called us kei-pos for coming all this way to watch gamar play! haha! (elsa, siyi, BREATHE! she directed it to me!) so we were sitting in the shade...stoning! then i got bored, so i went to watch my friend play. when i came back, steph, elsa and siyi were motioning at me to hurry up. so i was like "what? what?" and then siyi, i swear she was smiling so happily, said "oh my gosh! did you know that ____ has a lot of leg muscle?!" and then steph started gushing and giving me a visual explanation on his leg muscles! haha! but when i actually looked at his legs, im sorry but i really SAW NOTHING! seriously! haha!

oh and after much waiting, gamar FINALLY arrived!! haha! the man at the registration counter even said "oh gosh! you come and you bring all your fans with you!" hahaha! FANS?! hahaha! but gamar played well today! she did her best la! her opponent was really good! (: then after that, we went to kfc to have dinner! haha! steph, elsa and siyi went home at around 5 so i stayed by myself to watch gamar and rachel's match for the simple reason of: i did not know how to go home by myself and rachel was my only ticket home. haha! its true! but the both of them ended up winning so i guess that it was not that bad a choice to stay and watch(: but i was dying! i was super tired! my eyes kept closing during their match and i barely cheered! haha! but the best part of the match, the only part of the match, that kept my eyes wide open, was when their opponent hit the ball out of the court and went ponk on...zaty's head!! haha! it was so funny! haha!

well, gotta go now(: super tired! byeee(:

spex is so fun!

2005-05-30T02:24:00.000-07:00

yesterday was so cool okay! o man! it was my best spex experience so far! woohoots(: haha! yeah! and i know this may sound stupid but its THE FIRST TIME I GOT PAST THE FIRST ROUND! haha! yeah! its true(: and guess who i saw there? haha! i saw my primary school friend, wan xin! omgosh! so super duper fun! i also met grace, gamar's scgs opponent! yeah! and i found out that she was my cousin! hahaha! shocking!! haha! yeah! so it was like 5pm and rachel, grace and wan xin were supposed to play but because of rain earlier, their matches were pushed back. which meant that mine, hannah's and gamar's matches would be pushed back too! so grace, wan xin, me and rachel went to macs! haha! and there we started talking about tennis and stuff! its kinda cool! because it seemed like everyone knew everyone so it was so super cool! haha!

after we went to macs, we went back to the tennis courts because gamar was there and i wanted to play with her(: haha! so yeah, there i introduced her to grace and wan xin and now, we're all friends! woohoots! funfunfun! haha! then we were all just fooling around when suddenly grace said 'oh look! guess who's here?' and i spun around, i saw him! and rachel and gamar started screaming can! and they screamed SO LOUD!!!! ahhh! i swear he heard! i was so maluated!!! i wanted to cry!!!

and then everything started to go wrongg! i kept avoiding him, and it was successful! for the simple reason that: he's avoiding me too. really really! im not kidding you! so yeah, no comment.

okayokay! on to scores:
me-->won!
wan xin-->won!
hannah-->lost):
rachel-->won!
grace-->walkover so...won!
tracce and yi mei-->won!
tracce-->won!

haha! so cool! most of us won! and BEST OF ALL! im playing hannah's opponent so i can try and avenge her! and me and hannah are playing wan xin and her doubles partner on wednesday! so cool right? haha! i think so!

oh yeah! i just remembered! hahahaah! during my match, i was so nervous, i kept chanting to myself: ryoma-kun, guide me.

i know this is a little out-of-point, but here. a poem:
people talk but don't listen
people assume but don't think
people encourage but don't know what for
and thats why people never believe
when i say,"i close the door"

haha! don't think anyone understands what my poem is about(: but no matter! haha! ciao for now(:

no cars suck!

2005-05-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

today i had to go out with my family because my dad just came back from china so yeah! i had to! if not my mum will scold me): haha! but that was not the bad bit, the bad bit was that we did not have A CAR! ahhhh! i think i nearly died!!! walk and walk and walk! my feet starting aching! haha! then to make things better, the OH-SO-KIND siyi had to message me: wow! jean, im having so much fun here! its sad that you could not come but you know what, maybe its for the better! SIYI! DIE NOW!!! YOU NIMKAMPOOP or was it ninkampoop? ninkanpoop? which is it? hahaha! but whatever the spelling is, siyi, thats u! hahaha! but you know what! I HAD FUN TODAY! yes, i did! hahaah! (: so siyi, IN YOUR FACE!! o man! but i still wish i could have gone for steph's barbeque thing! it sounded like so much fun! but when i told my mum, her face completely fell and i quickly said: oh but its okay! if don't allow then nevermind! and then my mum just kept quiet! ehh! i screwed up lorh! i think my mum's still mad from the sentosa thing): ah well! she can't hold me prisoner forever...i hope! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

today was fun!

2005-05-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

o man! today was the coolest of all the cool days! haha! it was so funny okay! during chinese, we got to play cherades! and so we decided to send out rachel cause she's like the most dramatic among all of us! it was so funny okay! rachel is just hilarious! she wanted to signify 'bleeding' so she pretended to cut herself and scream! but we all thought she was signifying 'hurt' so she shook her head and then she started doing this lame 'shhh' sound and started 'cutting' herself more! haha! finally someone guessed it! but i seriously didn't know what rachel koh was doing! i thought she was signifying water splashing out of her arm? so weird okay! so funny too! she is drama like anything la!

and then! goodness! is this like rachel-koh-joke-day or something? i tell you! rachel is lame! funny, but lame! haha! yeah, so we have this relief teacher that might be teaching us math next semester so he wanted us to introduce ourselves and state how we want to improve the class! so he pointed at me and asked what i wanted to improve. this is exactly what happened:

mr tan-how would you improve the class?
jean-me?
mr tan-yes, you!
jean-ME?!
mr tan-yes!
jean-MEEE?!
mr tan-YES!
*whole class starts laughing*
jean-welll...
*jean thinks when suddenly, rachel raises her hand*
rachel-i know how jean can improve the class!
jean-how?
rachel-she can stop corrupting the class by talking nonsensically about acs i boys!
*whole class starts laughing*
mr tan-horh horh! im going to warn all my friends in acs i!
jean-mr tan! don't listen to rachel! she's the despo!
rachel-no!
jean-and i have finally come up with something to help improve the class: kick rachel out of it!
mr tan-nono! thats a personal attack!
jean-oh yeah? class! who agrees with me!
whole class-ME!!!
*mr tan starts laughing while rachel continues to wail away!*

hahaha! rachel is so spastic! one of the many moments she tried to malu me in class and this is also an example of how i malu her in class! we're retards! really, we are!

haha! another really funny thing happened in class! i sat with tamlyn cause i had no one to sit with and neither did she! and it was so hilarious! cause there was this bee and tamlyn was so freaked out! i was like 'tamlyn! its only a mosquito!' but she didn't even look at me! she was watching out for the mosquito! then she replied 'i dare you to say that when i get dengue fever' hahah! so i just kept laughing at tamlyn! so funny!

yeah! and after school we had tennis party! so cool okay! but it was so rush okay! because we were gonna burn the video into many cds when we found out: none of the pics are there! i freaked out okay! i nearly died! then mr foo told me that it was because i didnt save it properly! so i had to take a bus home! save it properly and then go back to school! luckily, almost all the photos were there this time (not all! so sad!) so we just burnt it and tied a ribbon around each cd for the seniors(: it was really pretty, the ribbon la! haha! then we all had our dinner at the it conference room! and we wathced the video! haha! pretty okay la! o man! i have to add: vivien's copokioes rock! its better than famous amous! seriously!

haha! so we all happy, but then we heard the saddest news ever! mrs yee's leaving school! o man! i tell you, at first i was really happy! i was laughing! then i remembered all the things she'd done for us, and then i felt guilty! i mean, all this while, i've wanted her gone, but now that she's leaving, i don't want her to go! its so typical of people to do that, but that doesnt make it right! o mna! mrs yee, i'll miss you! after she told us, i suddenly felt this strange pressure to help build up our team spirit. our team will crumble if i don't do anything about that! so bonding sessions, i must have! (oh no, im talking like yoda or yoga or whatever you call that small green thing in star wars) so yeah! i have to put in more effort as a vice this year! smss will be stronger!

so overall, today was a pretty good day! i loved it! (: i love my life. but more than anything, i love the people! i can't do without the tennis gals, the prefects, my classmates or my old classmates! you make every bad moment, good! i love you guys(:

note: i have posted shoutouts to wetdotters! go check links section and look for shoutouts! haha! i'll post more soon(:

sorry):

2005-05-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

siyi!! don't be sad!! please please! whenever you're sad, i get sad): and then when i find out its my fault, i get guilty AND sad!! wahh! siyi! you're still the best tracker i know(: but don't push your luck on being my future favourite tennis player! hehe! all in all, i just want you to know:

SIYI! YOU ARE THE BEST BEST BEST FRIEND I HAVE! AND THE LAST THING I WANT TO SEE, IS YOU SAD! YOU ROCK THE TRACK WORLD AND YOU KNOW IT! EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW, I DO(:

my birthday bash!

2005-05-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

hahaha! man! i had so much fun! friday, saturday and sunday!! hahah! i celebrated my birthday then! hahaha! it was so awesome! omgosh! and im sooo happy exams are over for good!!! YES! i get the rest i need(: and the tennis that i was so deprived of(:(: hahah! tennis rocks! haha!

wow! who r u?

2005-05-11T04:13:00.000-07:00

i loove tennis so much! two more days and its tennis tennis tennis! (:

i trust you

2005-05-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

omg! today, during chapel, we had the funniest talk ever! haha! the guy was so hilarious ok! he kept saying we, as teenagers are now 'awakened'! hahaha! and i just found that so weird, how he kept sayind 'awakened' haha! u would have found it funny too okay! and he said a lot of funny stuff! we just kept laughing and laughing! but there was something he said that i found just SO hilarious. it was too bad. because no one else found it funny! so i let out this weird screech from trying to control my laughter! and my gosh, people started staring at me. it was so maluating! and i really wanted to stop but elsa and steph kept laughing with me! or maybe at me! i dont know, but fact was that they were laughing and that made things worse! hahaha! yeah! it was damn stupid! i was tearing from trying to keep my laughter in! hahaha! so spastic(:

is it jealousy? hurt? or something else? i don't know. you hang out with them so much almost to the extent that i feel ignored. but i knew i was just being sensitive. so i shrugged it off. then suddenly all you think is funny, is what happened when you hung out with them. but its normal. they're a lot of fun to be around with. i admit, they're nice. so i close one eye and i tell myself stupid things like 'jean, you're being a demanding friend' or 'jean, you're not her only friend you know'! but i can only convince myself so much! i feel ignored. confused. hurt. but most of all, i feel really really hurt. its not just about them, its the little things that you do, that i wish i never noticed. i don't run your life. do whatever you want. you don't even need to care about this stupid little confession. but from what i think i know, you do care. this isn't about the fact that you don't care about my feelings. i believe you do! i know you would never make me upset on purpose! i regarded you as my closest friend! my best friend! if you said you didn't mean it, i would believe you! but this isn't about the fact that you don't care. its more like you don't notice. so will you notice?? notice what i'm feeling at the present moment??

2005-05-04T04:25:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness! chinese exam tomorrow! i think im gonna faint! *faints* see! i told u! haha! haiz! so glad it'll be over soon! haha! gotta go study soon! ciao!

i got to play tennis today!

2005-05-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

today was so cool! i got to play tennis! yayy! but ____ wasn't there! hahah! he was there yesterday! so yeah, im still happy! hahahah! well, i played ok! hahah! considering the considerations! hahaha!

omg! yesterday! i went to the coolest house ever! seriously! it was damn high-tech! and the guy living in the house, did everything, by himself! so everything in the house was done by him, not just the design! the lighting, everything! yeah! it was damn cool! the tv was like a theatre screen and he uses a projector, not a normal tv! and the lighting was awesome! he put a normal light, then he got a tailor to sew this cloth thing and he hung the cloth over the light! so it looked really exotic! omg omg! im so jealous of his house! they, being his wife and him, are so hightech! he put a computer in the kitchen so his wife could watch her programmes ans keep all her recpies there! yeah! its in the kitchen! they even have a tv in their room! its soo cool!

hahaha!and on friday, siyi came to my house! yeah, we studied for a little bit then we went to town! hahah! to buy markers! and we were going to go back to my house at 5 then suddenly! 'where are the both of u?' messages lumheitung! hahah! and me and siyi diont know what to say, so we told her we were going to borders! hahah! n then we had to meet her there! lame! hahah!

hahaha! well, my eventful 3 days! haha! i'll try and blog more often! gotta go now! byee!

woohoots!

2005-04-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

ok! this skin is my best skin so far! and i looove it! although, it cant really compare to steph's. her's is sooo cool ok! i love her blog! hahaha! gotta go. will blog tomorrow (:

the man behind the sun

2005-04-20T02:22:00.000-07:00

The man behind the sun

As the night gave way to the morning
I watched carefully
For the man behind the sun
His eyes could see all of the Earth
From a baby crawling on the grass
To the ants on the tree
Yet I wondered
Why of all the beings in the world
He chose only look at you

The morning soon left us
And the afternoon then took her place
I looked up at the sky
As I felt the sweat fall down my cheek
The man behind the sun
What was he doing?
His rays were scotching
Drawing much attention
And I stopped to think
That it could be his intention
But who could it be
Who could possibly be so important
And I then realized
He was still looking at you

It was not long
Before the moon began to complain
She had been waiting long enough
And was nearly going insane
The man behind the sun
Nodded his head slowly
And began his journey down
But before he left
I saw it
I saw it so clearly
How he opened his mouth to speak to you
So I squinted my eyes
To see what he said
He said : Come now, my child
And the next thing I knew
You had gone
Never to return again

bapoh, i love you very much. may you see her in heaven.
Love always,
Jean

2005-04-17T00:58:00.000-07:00

ehhh...
my blog posts seem...
different...

why can't i

2005-04-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

We had to do ushering for anne of green gables yesterday and on friday! omg! so fun ok! hahaha! on friday, we got out of school at 12 something to change into our blazers! yeah, i have my own now! *smiles* hahahah! then after that, we had to take a bus to UCC! omg, so hott! ahh! can die! hahah! then when we finally got there, we were briefed blah blah blah! and I was assigned to sell programmes! hahahah! it was strangely enjoyable you know! so fun ok! hahhaha! then after that, we went to the dressing room cause all our bags were there, and we started taking photos! hahaha! that was FUN! hahahah! then we had to go do duty again. hahaha! we did duty until about 6 plus then WE had to go in to watch anne. the acting was fine, if not good, it was the singing! Oh, the SINGING! aiyoh, it was okay i guess, but i got a headache. hm. maybe im just headache-prone! hahaha!

Second day of ushering was even MORE fun then friday! hahahaha! omg! so funny! i stuffed myself into a locker and lynne leaned against it so i couldn't get out! ahahahah! and then we kept playing tricks on prefects and making them scream! hahahah! STEPH! i am Samara...*laughs evily* hahahah! but the funniest was when i dared siyi to sit in the top locker! and she did it! ahahaha! then we started abusing her! hahahah! i hope the silver on your tie managed to be washed off siyi *flutters eyelids* see? im such a kind fren! i CARE about your tie! hahaha! funny, funny, FUNNY! hahahah!

Why is it
That whenever I think of you
I either feel really happy
Or really sad
Mixed feelings are confusing me
What do you intend to do?
Whatever it is...
Do it now

I smile because I can

2005-04-08T04:11:00.000-07:00

I love tennis. I smile on court because I'm happy. I'm happy I get to play. I'm happy that my opponent is who she is. Whether she's a consistency queen or a hardcore whacker. Its fine by me. In the end, I just want to say:

Only weaklings resort to such petty things

Over it by anneliese van der pol

2005-04-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

How could you know
That behind my eyes a sad girl cried
And how could you know
That i hurt so much inside
And how could you know
That i'm not the average girl
I'm carrying the weight of the world
YEAH!
So can you get me outta here

[chorus]
Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive til the gas runs out and then walk so far
That we can't
See this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
So i can forget about this mess
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
Over It

I'm playin the role
Of the happy girl
But no one knows
Inside i'm alone
But i would never let it show
I get everyday
Too much work and not enough play
Over and over
It's always the same
YEAH!
But you can make everything OK...

[chorus]

And when the world is closin' in
I can leave it all and just walk away
I can always start all over again
I am closer to a better day

[chorus]

Take Me Away

[chorus]

I am Over It (over it)

ahhh! i love this song! its so nice!!!! hahahah!

love me too

2005-04-02T23:42:00.000-08:00

I wanted to tell you how I feel
But it was too hard
You had to find it out from someone else
I knew it made things worse
But there was nothing I could do
To get close to you
I want to choose someone else
But its not that easy
I see you
And my heart skips a beat
Make it stop
I'm sure that is what you want
But what makes you think
Its not what I want too?
If I could control how I feel
I would
But the truth is I can't
I can't choose not to love you...

~*~

Stop what you're doing
The hurt that you struck me with
Is so deep
It is scaring me
Why did you do it?
Was it what you wanted?
I really didn't know
What to do
What do I do now
When I see you?
Should I walk away and see no one
Because its sad
It really is
You were a friend
A good friend
But what i really want
Is to change the were to are
Will you let me?
I'm hoping you'll say yes...

If I could tell it to your face. I would. But I can't. You'll have to settle for this instead. Two people. You hurt me in two different ways. But in the end, it all led down to one place...my heart. Tell me you understand. Tell me and everything will be okay.

the match was postponed!

2005-03-31T03:54:00.000-08:00

hahahah! today rocked!!! hahaah! we played MGS!!! yarh! my opponent was so sweettt!! just like my nanyang opponent!!! aiyohh...im blessed!!! hahahah! but the matches were cancelled due to rain! wahhhh! hahaah! but it'll be resumed after all the other matches! will be coolll!!! and fun!!! ahahaha! yarh! was so coooolll! i was down 4-1 and i caught up! so the score now is 4-6 up!!! woohoot! heitung was awesomeee!!! keep ur cool vice-cap!! we need u!!! hahaha! grace and ethel! i dont understand why ur not confident of handling tie-breaks when i believe u can handle everything and anything?

hahaah! yeah! ohOH! i just want to mention that the best thing happened today! today, my friend say that i was, drum roll please *drum rolls*

ALERT

hahah! yes! seeee! at least SOMEONE believes i m not blurr!!! hahahah! im so happyyyy!!!! hahahah! IN UR FACE SIYI!!!!

my awesome day!

2005-03-29T02:57:00.000-08:00

hahahah! helloooo:) hahahah! okok! today was rather fun! i kinda screwed up training...BUT I MADE UP FOR IT! which reminds me of some stuff that i need to do..hmm..hahah! can do later! hahah! omg omg! PATRICIA WET MEEEE!!! yea!!!! so wet okayy!! and of all days to wet me!!!! it had to be TODAY! okok! i tell you! coz after patricia wet me, i went to macs, on my own! hahah! so pathetic right? aiyoh! and as if that wasn't bad enough! do you know who i saw at macs? goodness! i saw the raffles twins!!! omg! was so malu!!!! the raffles twins, formally known as the nanyang twins, yeah! aiyoh! first i saw only one of the twins. AHHH! i just remembered their names! one is laura and the other is caroline...i think! hahah! yeah, so back to my story. I saw them. First I saw Laura/Caroline, she stared at my bag, then she looked at my hair! and i tell you, i wanted to die! i don't even want to know what she was thinking. and then Caroline/Laura came as well, and she too stared at my bag. But then she looked at me. I smiled at her and she smiled back(: hahahah! but it was so weirddd! i dun want that experience again...ever! hahahah!

Shoutouts! (:

2005-03-28T03:22:00.000-08:00

Hahahah! After much consideration, I have finally decided to do Shoutouts!!!!(: haha! yes, i can hear siyi screaming, "finally!" hahaha! okok! so here goes nothing! btw, the ones in italic are song lyrics (: dont ask me why i choose the songs, thats for you to find out(:

Shoutouts:

-siyi-
hahahaha! chennieee whennieee! hahahah! siyi is amazing! she's so funnnn!!!! hahahah! i just want to say that i simply adore playing tennis with her! yupyup! emphasize on the word "adore"!!! My fellow wet dots member!!! woohoot! hahaha! i dunno why i keep putting "hahaha"! i guess siyi just amuses me! and i loveeee talking on the phone with siyi! coz our cons ROCK!!! i swear, sooo hilarious! i would call siyi, for no specific reason or topic in mind, and then we would just stick the phone to our ear until something happens and we can talk abt it! hahah! yes, so there will be long pauses or i can hear siyi laughing or sighing...usually when she's watching Prince Of Tennis!! yea! Oh yea!!! Siyi and i are both PoT-obsessed!!! we loveeee it!!!! ryoma rocks harder than fuji no matter what you say, siyi! hahahah! siyi just makes me laugh! chennieee! dun be pressurized! i will always be behind you! ohOH! yeah! one more thing! siyi always sticks by me when im stressed!!! yeah! thats what makes her an even better fren! (:
I LOVE HER!!!! hahahah! omg! i just read siyi's shoutouts! she's RIGHT! we're always getting singled out!!! my oh my! remember the acs i invest incident!!! so maluuu!!! i cant forget!!! hahaha!

i can never forget the times you've covered my back
you helped me out and cut me slack
there was nothin' you'd never do
it's all about me and you
never gonna let you down
always gonna be around
you know whatever life puts you through
i'll be there for you

-steph yeo-
Steph! STEPH! omg! stephiee is so amazingg!!!! she really rocks!!! no jokes, no lies! i love her so muchhhh!(: hahaahah! always super super sweet towards all her frenz!!! i mean, when you first look at steph yeo, you KNOW she's nice! but you never expected her to be SOOO nice! honestly! but i love telling steph stuff! and its a nice feeling that everytime steph sees me, she'll never fail to give me a hug! yeah!!! soooo sweet right!!!! everytime im around steph, i feel soooo happy!!!! she really makes your day!!! love her to bits!!! hahahah! cant forget all the great times we had together! she and elsa always togetherrr!!! yeah! and they say the same things you know!!!! do you have any idea what its like? i am in 2 seperate cons, one wif stephie and one wif elsaaa! and they both ask me the same thing, "how do you do?" and i thought that was coincidental but when they both wrote "cant wait for wet dots" thennn, it just got creepy! twins la! hahahah! but stephieee is a dancerr and also a prefect!!! WET DOTS MEMBER!!!its almost impossible to ever get angry at steph. i dunno. im never mad at stephiee(: she's too sweet!!! LOVE YA!

Nothin makes me more happy than to know
That I have such a close friend
To know that you're down for me is reassuring
It's the reason I'm always smilin'
I have a lot fun with you
Never any kind of pressure
You make me happy

-elsa-
yayyyy! elsaa! i just love saying her name! i dunno why! i just like it! its so nice to say!!!! she and steph yeo!!! IDENTICAL I SAY!!!! hahahaah! but elsa likes squeezing my cheeks!!! its sooo funny! its like a daily thing now! hahah! the day that elsa stops squeezing my cheeks, i will cry! coz that girl's NOT ELSA! hahahah! elsa likes to do funny hand actions! yeah! serious! and then, she'll say it in that way! yes, THAT WAY! i dunno how to explain la! all you have to know is that she's got me doing it and its sooo weirddd! hahah! but i really really like elsa! she's so...ELSAA! hahahah! enough said right? elsa's just so funn! i dunno why! and i can't explain it! but elsa is just alot of fun to be with! maybe its the the things she says! yea! i think thats it! hahahah! when im around elsa, i don't feel any pressure! its just fun fun and more fun! i like it that way! its not fun if people keep wanting to help me get over my problem :( i can do that myself! hahah! overall, elsa is amazingly funnnn!!! hahahahah! she always does crazy things! she's super sociable as well! go and ask her what she did on first day of school! hahahah! sooo like elsa! hahah! elsa's also a dancerr!!! and a prefect!! AND A WET DOTTER!!! love love love wet dots!!! love love love elsaa! (:

I used to worry
What tommorrow would bring
Then you came along
Changed my world around
Gave me something to believe in
When i'm upside down
And i wanna thank you
For making the sun come
Shining through

-patricia-
pattieee-pooo! i gave you that nickname! so appreciate it!!! hahahah! pattie is sooo funny!!!! she always pronounces things funnyyy! she's sooo hilarious!!!! hahahah! foldovermil! see la! because of you! i start laughing for no reason and then people think im crazy!! PATTIE!!! ENOUGH PEOPLE THINK IM MAD SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO IT!!! hahahah! but i just think patricia's so funny! she's not one with the hugging tradition, even though she'll do it anyway! hahahah! i remember the time siyi, steph, elsa and pattie came to watch me play SPEX!!! omg! i was soooo happy! i swear! but the first person i saw was pattie!! she was waving her arms frantically! i was SOOO happy!!! really really! hahahah! pattie always makes my day!!! she's very caring!! she doesnt look like, but she really does care alot! like when i cried! she was so sweet! hahah! siyi too la! pattie is a great prefect! she pulled up the flag so well!!! i swear it was great! hahah! she's also a wet dot member!!! hahah!(: and BASKETBALL CAPTAIN!!! yea! so cool right? i love pattie! she's amazing(:

Sick and tired of this world
Waiting, Suffocating,
No direction,
And I took a dive and
On the way down
I saw you
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you

And thats all for now!!! i'll write more but mum wants me off! seeyaa!!! love siyi, steph, elsa and pattie FOREVER! you guys rock my tennis-obsessed world!!! WET DOTS ROCK!

game against nanyang

2005-03-24T01:45:00.000-08:00

hahah! ok! we played nanyang today! we lost. hahah! but its OK! (: honestly, i think you all did great! really! WE ARE NOW THE UNDERDOGS!!!! woohoot! hahahah! i dunno why im rejoicing over this, but im not sad anymore. we all have to know that this is not the time to be discouraged!

ok, lets list out the schools that we have to beat:

MGS

SCGS

CEDAR

i don't deny that they are strong...but i said it once and i'll say it again:

WHATEVER!

im not affected. i don't care. whether u r good or bad. whatever. tennis is tennis. no matter what.

persevere 'c' div! i know winners when i see em'! there's only one way we're going...and that's up!

After the rain, will always come the sun

2005-03-23T05:01:00.000-08:00

After the bad luck, good luck is sure to come by

Okok, I think I'm officially Yamato-crazy...but I can't help it that he's so wise and cool! Like, I'm quoting EVERYTHING he says! goodness! I'm insane!

I'm sorry smss tennis 'c' div gals...I really worried too much about the wrong thing! I thought we would never get the 'bonding' strong enough before the tournament! I was afraid that we would all crack from the individual pressure and lack of support. Obviously, I was wrong.

Our bond is strong. Stronger than you think. I know. Cause I have felt it (: I know some of us, sometimes feel lonely. But there really is no need. The team will always be behind you. No matter what.

I only learnt that today. Pretty pathetic huh?

Okay! tennis shout-outs! (:

Heitung:
OMG! my favouriteeee vice-cap in the whole world!!!!! I really don't kow what i would do without your support! You're the voice...I'm just the thoughts(: hahahah! heitung will always be the power-house of smss c div, and we love her no other way!

Gamar:
hahah! Gamar is the coolest! We're always talking about "the latest tennis stuff"! hahah! And Garmz is really popular with the juniors! aiyoh! They all listen to her! never listen to me! ): hahah! But its ok! Garmz will always be the 'mother' of smss c div! The funky one whose shots always come in with a little too much spin for me to handle...wait! thats a GOOD thing!

Hannah:
Consitency queen! Hannieee! She's amazing! She SEEMS quiet, but she really does have a lot to say(: n i really love her! my only doubles partner! hahah! hannah's place is up at the net! NEVER LOSE CONFIDENCE EVEN WHEN YOU'RE LOSING!!! hahah! hannah, you have 2 great things about your tennis skill...your volleys and your serve, don't give them away! smss c div will always support u even when you're down!

Rachel:
Rachieee...aiyoh! why you always have to argue? hahah! but thats what makes rachel, rachel right? hahah! don't do crazy things even when all your strokes aren't working ok? lose the nervousness and just play! Tennis is a great sport! Don't lose that love just because its a competition.

Grace:
Grace! Grace! The deadly volleyer! Goodness! Graceee! Don't be so mean towards me when you're up at the net! Its not fair! I deserve BETTER!!! hahahah! But Grace, don't forget your volleys in the tournament! I love Grace's friendly nature! She's always there for the team! Love every minute that I spend playing tennis with you, Grace! You're one of a kind(:

Ethel:
Ethellieee! hahah! She really hates it when I call her that! Ethel is sooo funny! But she keeps whacking my stomache! Ethelllll!!!! Its painful you know! hahahah! Ethel! no matter what happens! smss c div can't do without you! we all hate to see you always so glum! cheer up can? WE LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU THINK!!!! hahah! Ethel, you have potential! you just have to unlock it!

Charlene:
hahahah! I LOVEEE Charlene!!! She's so funnyyyy! She runs away from me every time I try to hug her! WHY CHARLENE?! I won't eat you up...I hope. hahah! jkjk! Charlene can return ALL SHOTS!!! AND she can volley! hahah! don't underestimate her. She's more skillful than most of us (:

And that is all!

SMSS C DIV!!!! ROCK THE NUS TENNIS COURTS TOMORROW!!! THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY WE'RE GOING...AND THATS UP!

the next post...which is i-dunno-when, i'll write more about my other frenz, ya? so siyi...please be patient, your name will once agaion be in...LIGHTS! hahah!

oh my oh my! its HIS birthday!!!

2005-03-22T03:13:00.000-08:00

okok! before i start off my post, i just want to clear something up before SOMEBODY starts clogging up my tagboard:

SIYI IS SO COOL! SHE IS SO AWESOME AND HER NAME ALWAYS DESERVES TO BE FIRST!!!!

*stares at siyi* HAPPY NOW?!

hahahah! no larh! but siyi really is a good fren...swollow it now cause i'll never say it again...ever.

okkkk, back to the REAL issue...

its ____'s birthday today! woohoot! if he actually read my blog, i would like to wish him a happy birthday! and good luck in the tennis tournament! even though i'm pretty sure he'll do well (:

Ooo...today we got our new tennis shirt!!! It looked kinda icky if you just look at it, but when i put it on...IT WASN'T ALL THAT BADD! actually, i think it looked fine(: so woopies! we're gonna be getting our skirt tomorrow! eeks! im excited to see what it looks like, but i don't want to wear the skirt...its gonna look like crap on me! im sorry, i just don't look good in skirts!

Ahhh! tournament's starting this thurs! against nanyang! hope we have a blast! hahahah! don't worry you guys! smss tennis gals are gonna ROCK THE NUS TENNIS COURTS! (: yeah! as long as we play oursleves! there's nothing we can't handle!

Tennis gals remember about our 'bonding session' tomorrow! we'll have a blast but you all will have to be ENTHUSIASTIC! or else it won't work kaez? just do your best!

okiez! gotta go do hw now...ciaoz! wet dots members and tennis gals rock my WORLD!!! (:

Oh ya...

2005-03-19T23:38:00.000-08:00

Oh! Before siyi says im mean AGAIN...

THANK YOU SO MUCH:
Stephieeee, elsaaaaaa, pattieeee-pooooo and chennieeee-wennieeee

these 4 people...ROCK MY LITTLE WORLD!!! they came all the way down from school to kallang, to watch me PLAY!!! Honestly, no one has ever put in so much effort for me. And even though I forgot to blog about it (I'm sorry! I'm sorry!), I really did appreciate what they did! They are the most awesome people i know!! I won't ever forget what you guys did (: thank you once again!

teehee...but the song isn't about you...even though the four of you should know who...better not say! or drop hints! especially you...CHEN SIYI!!

straight from the heart

2005-03-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

I see my future there in your eyes [i do...]
Together and forever, it's you and me [we never had a beginning though...]
You see cause I wont be listening to what my friends have got to say [of course i listen]
I know you'll be there all the way [hmm...]
You promised [you promised...]
And I know [i hope i do...]
That you will always care [i know that...]
Through good times [definitely]
Through bad times [i'll pray]
You're always there [thats what i wanna believe]

Hold me now don't ever let it go [i'll never say that out loud]
I'm in love with you but you already know [i don't think you do]
I want this love to last and be forever [okayy...thats a bit exaggerated]
If you believe and you can only see [yes...]
That making love to me would make your life complete [ermm...]
Hold me tight and say you'll leave me never [i wish...]
Straight from the heart you changed my life forever more [you changed my life...forever(:]

I dream of waking up in your arms [i didn't say anything...]
And watch the sun bring in the day [i love the sun...]
You see what I can't imagine I'm sure we can achieve [i believe that]
Which means never giving up on this dream [i'll never give up...promise]
You comfort [i never needed comfort...]
And you guide me [all the time...]
When skies are grey [my skies aren't grey when i think about you(:]
And I feel you [...]
And I need you [i'm not gonna say anything...]
To say you'll stay [please stay...]

Hold me now don't ever let it go [don't okay?]
I'm in love with you but you already know [i still don't think you know]
I want this love to last and be forever [forever...?]
If you believe and you can only see [i don't know about this...]
That making love to me would make your life complete [that's for you to decide(:]
Hold me tight and say you'll leave me never [hold me tight...]
Straight from the heart you changed my life forever more [forever more...(:]

Forever more [forever...]
Forever more [more...]
Changed my life [its true...]

You promised [i can't remember any promise...]
And I know [i hope...]
That you will always care [this i kinda know(:]
Through good times [yeah...]
Through bad times [are you sure...?]
You're always there [i wouldn't know...]

Hold me now don't ever let it go [don't let go...]
I'm in love with you but you already know [you don't...im pretty sure]
I want this love to last and be forever [i want it to last...not forever]
If you believe and you can only see [do you believe?]
That making love to me would make your life complete [i'd prefer not to phrase it this way]
Hold me tight and say you'll leave me never [say you'll never leave me...]
Straight from the heart you changed my life forever more [straight from my heart...]
Straight from the heart you changed my life forever [you did...i don't deny it(:]

now, why exactly did i pick this song? for who? well, the answer is...

18th of march...no comment

2005-03-18T03:35:00.000-08:00

Hannah and I played doubles today. We played twice. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon.

Ist match:
6-0, won
6-0, won

2nd match:
0-6, loss
1-6, loss

I don't even want to talk about it. I don't even want to think about it. But I do want it to scar me. I want it to rip me into pieces. I want it to leave me helpless and lonely...

Just for the glory of knowing that even through all that, I can still pick myself up

I'm not giving up...

I lost...I lost it all

2005-03-15T19:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, I played today...I lost.
1st set: 2-6--> lost
2nd set: 6-4--> won
3rd set: 0-6--> lost

I promised myself that I would never let anybody down! Not ever. But in the short 1 and half hours, I seemed to have let everyone down.

I let my parents down. They've seen me play the SPEX tournament many many times, I've lost almost all of my matches each time due to nervousness or cockiness. It has been 2 years since I participated. I still have the same problem. My parents take time and money to get me into this tournament, but there is still no improvement in my match play. Today my dad asked me something, which kinda made me shocked.

"Does my prescence make you nervous"

Which I gave a reply of "A little"

My dad nodded his head and promised never to watch me play in the tournament again. I remained silent and my eyes started to get watery. It really wasn't his fault that I play like crap on the court...but I didn't say anything.

Secondly, I let my team down. All I wanted, was to be a good captain. All I wanted to prove was that anything was possible as long as you have a little faith in yourself. But today, I showed that I couldn't even do that! Let alone expect my team to do the same! I dont't know how I'm going to face my team tomorrow and say:

"I'm sorry, I lost because I couldn't control my feelings"

I really am scared. All the time, I tell them not to give up when I can't even do that. I tried, I really did to set an example and do my best, but I couldn't persevere. It got to me. The pressure got to me.

Last but not least, I let myself down. I know what happened. I can see it running through my brain. I took one step back.

A long time ago, when I was about p5, I really REALLY had no spark for the game other than the fact that we could 'kill' people. I practically rejoiced in my opponent's misery. I really didn't seem to have any form of sportsmanship.

Two years later, the best thing happened to me. I got accepted into SMSS. There, I had great friends, seniors and teammates. I was happy. In SMSS, my game excelled. I was happier and I played better. I learnt that there was more to life than the phrase: Survival of the fittest.
I learnt that it was possible to just...be happy(:

But today...I dont know. Somehow, I took a step back. I rebecame the person I had tried so hard to forget. I don't know how or why it happened. All I know was that she was winning, and she wasn't even all that good. All I wanted to do...was finish her off. And so I did, in the second round. That's when my 'old' drive started to show its true evil: Over-confidence. And that's how I lost my 3rd set. I wanted to finish her off fast. I wanted to finish her off bad. With that mentality, I had already lost the game.

So maybe, that was why I was so upset when I came out of the court. The way I played, was a disgrace. I was a disgrace to my parents (they tried so hard to raise me up properly, and then I turn out this way). I was a disgrace to my team (It wasn't even ME playing, if they had saw me play, they would have never believed that person was me). I was a disgrace to myself (I worked so hard to change my attitude and now I learn that it is still lurking inside of me, deep inside). I was a disgrace to tennis ( I wasn't even playing! I really wanted to kill the poor girl!).

What happened today, I don't want to remember. I believed that I had changed. But now I know, I haven't made the complete transformation. Let's just pray that the inner demon, doesn't decide to show up in the inter-school tournament. I can't afford to let it control me anymore. I deserve better than the path I had chosen years ago. I will not make the same mistake I once made.

I just hope the peppy, annoyingly blur, happy girl inside of me chooses to comfront the sadistic, evil, cocky person that I once was. I have to fight it. But I don't know how.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

2005-03-15T03:34:00.000-08:00

Came back from a painful day
So much pain caused from a single figure
Who was he
To do what he did?
Turned on the tap
Wash it all away
Wash away all this hate
When suddenly...

Drip. Drip. Drip.

What was that?

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Can it be?
I looked in the mirror
The blood was trickling slowly from my nose
Now, I knew what that meant (uh-huh, too many meals at macdonalds)
So I didn't think much of it at first

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It's been ten minutes
Shouldn't it have stopped by now?
I looked at the base of the bathtub
The entire base had turned a dark shade of...
Red

Blood is shed
for your loved ones
Because of your enemies
And even then
It stains them
You can feel it beneath your toes
You can smell it under your breath
You can't hide from it
It will find you

I looked at the bloodstained tub
It no longer felt like my blood
It felt like blood that I had taken
Maybe even stolen

Lie not about the things you have done wrong
Because the evidence will scar you

I searched my heart for the truth
Anything to feel no more of this fear
The truth prevailed...

I don't have hate towards you
I have guilt towards me

Drip. Drip. Dr-

What...?
I touched my nose and looked at my fingers
They were clean, just as before
I smiled

Lies, I shall no longer choose as an escape from the truth. I'm sorry for the lies I told. No longer will I put the blame on you. You did nothing wrong (:

2005-03-13T04:54:00.000-08:00

Ok, i want to start off this post by saying: I PLAYED TENNIS TODAY IN THE MORNING (siyi, this post is meant for you and your sad deprived soul!) yea! and it was really funn! my dad tried once again to flatten me so that he could prove to his frenz that he was a successful father who was actually better at tennis than his daughter. But I ended up doing all the flattening...yes... it is the sad sad truth. Not many people came so I didn't get to play much (better than nothing, SIYI). And I had church so I got to play with my dad one match, the score 6-1 to me, its an improvement for my dad...lats week it was 6-0 :) hahahah! and then i got to play doubles! My dad's fren (HIS father!!!) was being mean, he kept giving me lopes cause it was proven to be my weak area...he would laugh at me when i miss it...from that moment forth, I SWEAR TO BE THE BEST SMASHER IN THE WORLD EVEN IF I HAVE TO BREAK MY WRIST TRYING...ok thats a bit exaggerated, i dont want to break my wrist but- ok i think you get my point. haha! but even then, we ended up winning, i cant remember the score though...i dont think i actually cared...haha! HE wasn't there! he had a match todayy...i hope he did well :)

haha! and his bro's match was yesterday and "John ended up winning...BY CHEATING!!", claims his dad! but seriously, his bro is so CUTEE (not THAT cute...Im talking about the cute..the "oh how adorable" kind)!!! Anyway, yeah, I SHALL TELL YOU THE STORY!! hahahah! okok! because John was playing this japanese guy and his older bro was watching. His dad came by and asked for the score. John was down 5-1. The match continued when half way through, the opponent walked up to net.
"Ermm...John, what's the score?"
"Hmm..."
"I think you're leading 5-4"
"Oh yeah! Yeah! that's the score"
With that, they continued to play. Sadly, John could not make use of his (cheated) advantage, and was down 7-4, when the jap kid walked up to the net again.
"John! John! What's the score?"
"Ermm...I'm leading, 8-4"
"Ohhh..ok then!"
And then, they continued with the match. However, John's serve wasn't working so he decided to serve underarm, but the jap kid didn't believe that a person was allowed to use that service. They pulled the referee over and the referee said
"John is right, just listen to him...nothing will go wrong"
So, everything that John said went, and that is how John won his match.
-THE END-
hahaha! It amuses me how blur that jap kid was, but OH WELL! We all just go to have a little fun :) HE'S playing a jap kid today! hahahah! But he's honest, I don't think he'll do something like that! lol. but honestly, dont you think John is soo CUTEEE?! He is! But he's like p5 this year! haha!

Yeahh, today was pretty fun! Me and Rachel went for tuition. I don't normally like tuition, but our tutor rocks! She lets us say stupid things and NOT stay so focused on chinese. Plus she has really nice fish! I like her ice-cream fish! The kissing fish are SOOO ADORABLE!!! Yea...its like their lips are permanently locked into the kissing mode! So funny! Me and rachel kept crapping...well, Rachel kept crapping! Then after the tuition, we went up to the 7th floor, and we talked for 1 AND A HALF HOURS!!! Can you believe it? Its amazing how we can have so much to talk about :) but it was fun and I love talking to Rach. Even though she can irritate me sometimes in tennis, I'll still love her no matter what!!!

Yea...I think Im done blogging for today :) I personally feel I have blogged a lot! hahahah! take care! and god bless!

I only need you and my dream. With these two, I know my life is ultimate bliss. I can't do without my dream. I can't do without you :)

I didnt know

2005-03-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

I thought i knew..
Apparently I knew nothing..
What I saw..
Im glad I saw..
It showed me something beautiful..
Something amazing..
It showed me..
you (:
Thank you..

Prefect's commendation!!

2005-03-05T23:04:00.001-08:00

PREFECTS COMMENDATION WAS SO AWESOME!!!!! It was so fun!!! But its now that all the pain really begins..*groans* BUT I'LL PERSEVERE!! I will do..MY BEST! *proud look*. Oh man... this is the lamest post in the world. But O WELL! iTS MY BLOG. muahahaha.

My holiday

2004-12-22T04:04:00.000-08:00

Hey there! Just came back from my holiday!!! Now I shall tell you what I did at the different places that I've been to...

In LA, I:
I got to go to Disneyland!!! And Universal Studios!! And Knotts Berry Farm(thats where I saw E *sighz*)!!! Haha!!! The roller coasters were so fun!!! OMG!!! They were so thrilling!!! Especially all of those at Knotts Berry Farm!! The simulators at Universal were the coolest!!! And Disneyland...well, Disneyland is just the place-of-happiness, enough said.

In Vancouver, I:
shopped...shopped and well, there was that other thing, oh yea! Shopping!!!

In Whistler, I:
I skiied!!! I love skiing!!! I snowboarded!!! It was painful but fun!!! Hahaha!!

Well, thats all, gotta go now!! And remember...RUN FOR THE BALL!!!

Its not fair!

2004-12-02T21:07:00.000-08:00

I worked hard to get that slot...
And God knows I deserve that slot...
But I know how much you want MY slot...
And its still early in the game...
So you MIGHT get MY slot...
But for your info...
Read the first line again...
So, no...
You CANT have MY slot...
I won't let you have it...
Its MINE...
And I won't give it to you...
You have to work TWICE as hard to get it...
Cause I'll be working THREE TIMES as hard...
To keep it away from you...
And you have no idea how hard I'd work...
So stay away...
from MY slot...

MY CHRISTMAS LIST

2004-11-22T02:30:00.000-08:00

Jeanie-baby's CHRISTMAS LIST

1) New NIKE tennis shirt
2) New ADDIDAS tennis shirt
3) New NIKE tennis shorts
4) New ADDIDAS tennis shorts
5) ~~New REEBOK tennis shorts~~
6) ~~New WILSON cap (the blue nano-tech one)~~
7) New WILSON tennis racquet dampener (preferably the nano-tech one)
8) ~~New NIKE wristband~~
9) ~~New NIKE headband~~
10) New ADDIDAS watch (I already have a NIKE one..but..)
11) New ADDIDAS socks (Nike ones aren't that good)
12) New WILSON/HEAD racquet (I know you guys won't get it for me, but I wrote it down for the sake of writing it down)
13) ~~New WILSON tennis grip~~
14) ~~New NIKE/ADDIDAS/REEBOK face towel~~
15) New WILSON tennis bag
16) New COLEMAN/IGLOO tumbler (the big one)
17) A SPONSOR *cries hysterically cause it will never happen*
18) To play like LI WEI PING *commits suicide cause thats even more unlikely than the previous wish*
19) The whole PRINCE OF TENNIS series (I have 1 and 3..Im going to get 2)
20) New ADDIDAS swimsuit (I hate my swimsuit and NIKE swimsuits are really ugly)
21) ~~New WILSON tennis balls (the ones I have are very old)~~
22) New NIKE/ADDIDAS track shoes (All my tennis shoes are pure white, talk about boring)
23) ~~SHUTTERBOX 3~~
24) MAGISTER NEGI MAI! 4

P.S. If you don't know where to buy any of the stuff on my wishlist, just drop by THE ROYAL SPORTING HOUSE at Funan The IT Mall, they are the most organized sports shop I have ever been in to! Except for wishes #19, 23, 24; Those wishes can be found at the Comic store at Bugis, its the one next to Kinokuniya.

And thats all folks!

2004-11-16T17:41:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I posted something really sad. Cause I was really sad *duh*. I was sad cause I learnt that I had lost a friend and a possible friend that never gave me a chance. And I gave it alot of thought and seeked lots of advice from many of my friends, their advice worked its magic, but only for a short time. Later, I went back home and went to the gym. I thought I could run from all this pain just by occupying myself with things to do. Obviously, it didn't work. I never felt much from running away from anything. It was only later in the night, I realized something important: Love and friendship should be simple and plain. Its only man who make it complicated. In the end, you only want happiness. Isn't that what people want in life? So, there really wasn't anything to be upset about. You win some, you lose some. But, you can't let people bring ya down. Its just not worth it... :)

P.S Today is my dog's birthdae...so HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBERRRR!!!!

2004-11-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

If you don't know how to do it...
Don't do it...
If you wished you had him...
Keep wishing...
Don't be an idiot...
Do the smart thing...
Do nothing...
Im depressed from all this crap...
Life isn't as fun as I thought it would be...
And I feel stupid for being gullible...
For believing that you were special...
Cause you proved me wrong...
And I feel...
I don't feel anymore...

2004-11-12T01:40:00.000-08:00

hahaha!! I finally created a new blog!! Nice huh??